Rejected poems makes Pomortsy sad
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
One of the history teachers here actually snorted at a gift a student made of some of the collected works of Fuzuli. Ass.

All work and no play makes me a tired boy, though. I would like to actually update this thing regularly, be on at times when other people are, and even perhaps think of cool and witty stuff to write here! And while I'm whistling wishes, it'd be nice to have a good junkyard nearby. I miss exploring and scavenging. :/ 

Hunh.
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
So.

I tried to cut my own hair today.

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...

...

It actually turned out pretty radical! What did ya expect?

I really need to think of badass retorts at some time other then 4:00 in the morning.
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh.

I think the thing I hate most in the world is people who prey on the weak. Why is it that 'crime-fighting-superhero' isn't a respectable profession? While I'm dreaming, why isn't it easier to find out just who those sorta people are..? Well, anyway what really got me boiling this week was two things: one, it's a monday, and no amount of terrible coffee can make a monday any better. Secondarily, and majorly more important: every other teacher on this campus. Hell, even the Russian teacher, they're all lording their 'knowledge' over everyone else here, and for their part, the students just sit there in a daze of apathy and drug-induced awkwardness. C'mon, kiddies! Stand up for your rights! Don't just listen to someone with a degree spout bullshit, do you know how lame it looks when the only person saying anything is the guy who's terrified of social situations? Double ugh.

So, this is gonna be a politk n' beans rant. If you'd like something more filling and delicious, skip down to the end and have some cranberry tang chai tea. It'll do your body good! And don't take what I'm saying too seriously, as it's liable not to make precious little sense; heaven knows I don't. OKAY SO: First of all, the thing that grinds me up the most is when someone thinks something makes them better then people. I don't care if it's a degree, being a bit older/younger, having a 'better' figure or having memorized the backs of those trivial pursuit-style questions you find on beer mats and the back of chain resteraunt napkins. It can be funny, interesting, or useful, but it does *NOT* give you, me, or anyone else the right to patronize anyone. And that's just what these people do: one of the professors even wears FLIP FLOPS to class, arrives completely zoned out, uncaring if folks have read the source material or not, and just drones on and on; then in response, the rest of the class doesn't care, doesn't learn and just uses their over-expensive useless corporate text-blocks as something to rest on. Now, I do live in pretty tiny community, but still.

What kills me is how avoidable seeming the whole thing is; most people honestly want to learn, and it's fun to talk to people about stuff you know. From the professor's standpoint, it seems mostly to be a mix of apathy and lack of faith in any generations in their class, and a desire to have an 'easy' job with tenure, and not have to give a crap. From the student's perspective, they seem to think they'll be young forever, that if they score that liberal arts degree they'll have an easy job, they won't have to give a crap. For this, I blame the incredible merger of corporation and state; you have sucessfully managed to combine rigid discipline that people will *pay* for with a brain-draning experience that continues in multiple levels until all you're left with is a bunch of soulless husks devoid of life or hope. Triple ugh.

Maybe it's not really right of me to stick my nose into everyone's affairs or anything; honestly, I don't know anyone in this town personally or really like them; most seem like young men and women who're eager to throw their life into the corporate cogs I so despise. That being said... And it's lame, I know... I really don't want to see that happen. Emotions, the good and the bad, are something that keep me going when times are tough; knowing that people are going to get by makes me happy, and just seeing people who've already acknowledged (subconsciously if not openly) their subservience to this social order bred by a dime-store Franz Kafka does something to me. Lame lame lame, especially considering that when someone confronts me about the stuff I believe in, or even starts up a conversation, all that crazy confidence? Pshew! I mean, I still talk confident, but I just know I sound stupid.

Dunno where to go from here- I'm exhausted, but I feel I should study for Russian, even if the circles under my eyes are going to make me look even creepster-ier. This probably made no sense, but as usual it helped me immensely. The forces of stagnation have won the day, but eviscerating them in fiction is always good for a few (lame!) laughs. Keep on trucking.

P.S. I love nonsensical titles, but seriously. When someone insults you or someone you know, do you ever find that you can't think of a good comeback till waaay after the fact? It's totally like that one Calvin and Hobbes strip. Curses!

Sometimes a donut isn't enough
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
If it's one of those days, may I recommend a cold glass of coffee? Use vanilla soymilk, because it's cheaper than vanilla flavoring and milk. Yes, that makes me incredibly penny-pincherish. But seriously, the economy sucks, so we have to work with what we've got.
Iced coffee is tragically underrated, and I'm gonna bring it back!

I leave you with this. My sister shared it to me and now I can't get it out of my head! Guess there's worse, and it certainly lives up to its name-

Writer's Block: My Dream Job
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
What is your dream job? Do you think you'll ever have it?
I want to make the world a better place.

Failing that, my dream job is sitting behind a cash register at something like a convenience store listening to people's stories. Seriously. It's funny, but since my ambitions are so quiet, it seems life'll throw anything at me to derail them, heh.


Mr. Social Anxiety(But don't worry! It's the good kind)
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
Yeah, I know I said I was gonna update on my birthday. BUT! All sorts of crazy stuff happened? How crazy? Omega level crazy. A short sampling of things that happened included tasty red velvet cake (seriously, try this at least once in your life; it can be a pain to make, and I've heard stories about people not getting the taste right, buuut... The taste is everything that's good about the South, encapsulated in a desert. Seriously. ). Now how is that crazy, might you ask? Simple. It's a very filling cake, so we couldn't eat it all.

SO WE BOILED IT.

That's right, my family boiled the cake. I can't describe it and if I had pictures of said boiled cake, I'd send them on up. Maybe my sister got some, that would be swell but sadly unlikely. The end result turned out to be not at all delicious and a think red-n-buttery mess, but somehow extremely pretty. In a temporally materialistic sort of way.

Now that I am older and wiser, celebration was in order!  By which I mean, getting started in classes. By which I mean, Russian. A mixture of joy and dread filled my nostrils - and quite possibly my brain, I wasn't exactly sure. That quickly turned to just pure dread because there are so many people at my school; so why is it that I don't feel quite as anxious when I'm in the actual big city? Hrmn, not sure. Learning has gone good so far though, but I expect the classes to heat up pretty soon; I hope my memory for cyrillic is better than when I was five or so. :/

My friend and I are working on a truly awesome intense game that reads like a novel, plays like a video game, speaks to the soul like an opera, and makes deep commentary about society, race, class, religion, and faith. The demo probably won't be released until december (at the earliest) but when it is, I would be honoured if people here would like to give it a try. It may not be quite as good as I'm promising, but you can't blame me for blowing things out of preportion, right?

... So, that's everything that's been up for me. As usual, it's late at night, I can't sleep, and despite acting totally cool in public, I feel like I'm just gonna end up running out of the room or making an idiot of myself; sometimes I think that's how everyone must feel at times. Since you've been so kind as to read this far (or, xaxaxa, skipped down to the good stuff), let me know what you'd like to see up here, now that I'm back in a stable time-loop. Rambling rants on society, junk-art, stories, thoughts on the moon, stars, and twilight sky? I do keep executive powers in the reserve, but I'm feeling incredibly optimistic as of late... It might just be the excellent full moon we had. Best wishes, and a very happy un-birthday!

Short entry for cloudy eyes
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
With a very large one to follow, I'm superserious. I'd be even seriouser in caps, but I'm more then a little tired. Insomnia is the hallmark of my lj entries, I think... ;) So! Apparently it's been leaked that today I will be off downing huge amounts of Russian tea (Kom-bu-chaaaaa!), eating red velvet cake, hiking and attempting to show off my cool moves. Whatever the heck that means- I'll have a helluva story for everyone when I'm back. Until then, the moon is out, full and serene in the empty sky, and I love everyone right now. :)

And the loop begins again!
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
A short entry, because my mind is about fizzed out- everything is looking incredible recently. Had an excellent, multiple hour conversation with an old friend, proceeded to work on our game for quite a few hours afterwords (the coding is coming along very nicely although my rustiness with algorithims shows. Need to practice! Seriously, when I see this tomorrow/whenever, remember! Practice!), and on top of all that, my innate Southerner wept tears of happiness at the possibility of making a red velvet cake later. I swear, my sweet-tooth is incorrigible.

But, that's not the primarily reason I'm posting; it's time to work, go to school, or begin the year again. I think my inner calendar is off, because fall has always seemed the start of the year to me, and winter the beginning of the middle. Maybe it's because of the place I live, but I'm getting all fired up, and I'd like to share that enthusiasm. Perhaps with photos of the autumn fireworks here, or maybe some recipes... But I'll think of something cool, for sure!

Dream Diary: I actually have two to record, but since I missed a day, I forget the first. My memory is like a brocolli sieve. 

There was an old 'woman' dealing cards in the dark, I think we were in some kind of wagon or chariot. Closer examination revealed that she was made of plywood and nails, like those old fortune teller machines at some carnivals. She was dealing tarot cards, but the illustrations were extremely different from normal; I remember one that was labeled The Spiral and depicted a navy blue square, instead of a spiral. I asked if she was going to take it back, but she wasn't there; I left the caravan in a rustle of wood and creaky planks, and stepped out into the forest. I think there was a wolf or something watching me, or maybe it was a man wearing a wolf's skin. Either way, the presence felt distinctly hostile, but I wasn't scared, and walked towards the mountain.

Do you ever have dreams where the style switches suddenly? I can't use words to describe it well, but the style constantly switched between feeling very real and looking as if it had been drawn by someone very young in crayon scribblings. For lack of a better word, it seemed very cool, ehehe.

My head is a maze
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
School is going to be starting up again soon. I really don't know why I go to college, besides the fact that the one up here is incredibly cheap for my family, and I feel like I have an obligation to them. Perhaps you know that feeling, the one where you love someone incredibly, and would end up doing anything for them, even as you've realized as you've grown in one way or another, there are many things you *don't* love about them? Hope it's okay I'm using my journal for things like this, but it's incredibly nice to be able to vent like this... 

Irl, I listen to what people say more then I talk. That leads a lot of people to think I'm interested in them and want to be friends, I guess, and i can understand; this is a society where so few people do that... :/ However, the problem is that despite the fact that I'll stand up for anyone's right to believe in something, trying my damndest to be friendly, and hopefully coming up with a funny joke or reassuring comment at some time... I'm actually scared shitless of human interaction. Pathetic, right? ;P So yeah, I actually am beginning to think I sabotage relationships (friends, girlfriends, everything) unless people understand my random need to retreat from the limelight and hide indoors, close the blinds, and relax with a good book, a video game, and a cup of black coffee.

My family has always supported me in whatever I do. When I began to repair stuff that was going old and worn instead of throwing it out, they thought it was cool and thrifty. When I started collecting junk to rebuild my computer, they thought i was cool and technical. Hurrr. The blue violing that sounds like a cat attacking a lawnmower fighting a blackboard? That's artistic. So I have an incredibly hard time saying no to them, or probably to anyone who actually gets close to me as a great friend. So I guess one of my problems is that although I'm good at standing up to faceless bullies, fascist interlopers, and the politicians that ride their atv's into town trailing cash and corruption, I suck at sticking up to my friends. It actually feels kind of good to know that, but I wish I could, I really wish I could.

I want to say 'How can you do this to yourself? You never move from one spot. You're always staring listlessly at the tv, and watching fox news. FOX NEWS. You don't even agree with it, so why are you watching it? You're essentially stopping my sister from fulfilling her life. I don't mind if my life is like that, but can't you let go of her, at least? Your bellies are spilling out of your shirts, you're killing yourselves slowly, can't you see?' Lol, I'll never say anything like that, though. I'm too much of a coward.

Being an insomniac is horrible and wonderful. I go on two-hour long walks in the middle of the night, and have yet to be stopped by the police, which is great... and lucky. Do you ever stare at the monitor and hallucinate things? Like stories that may or may not be based on reality, but seem to come to life, only to fade away when you wake up?

Dream Diary: There was an endless hallway that seemed to be going in all cardinal directions; north, south, east and west. I'd been walking east for a long time; I knew I had been, because there was a compass floating in the air next to me. The hallway finally started to grow dimmer, and all of a sudden, there was no path beneath my feet. Instead of falling however, the moon was hanging above my head, glowing with the same reassuring silver that reminds of that night long ago. An electric thrum was nearby, and I curled up under a redwood tree, feeling safe. I miss that place.

P.S. This may sounds heavy, but it's just how I process my thoughts.. Oddly, I actually feel incredibly good today, and it's amazing how therapeutic it is to write this stuff down. Feel free to comment or not as you like, my friends. :)

Writer's Block: On the List
hermit occult hikkikomori
pomortsy
What is on your personal list of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World?
Mine will all be stupid. Places that have a special significance to me. But then again, why can't we all have our own spiritual admirations for places?  Every grove is a shrine, to someone.


In no particular order, Swede Haven road, the railway tracks just out of town, the boats that come in and leave with such melancholy passengers, the moon, wheat fields in the middle of autumn, the little garden with the silvery-white flowers, and the hill where the forget-me-nots sleep.

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